Sleep Training does NOT Equal “Cry It Out”

There’s so much noise out there when it comes to baby, infant, and toddler sleep. As a certified pediatric sleep consultant, I often hear from exhausted parents who are desperate for rest but hesitant to start sleep training because they fear it means letting their baby "Cry It Out."

This misconception breaks my heart. I know firsthand how hard it is to show up as a present & intentional parent when you're running on empty. My own kids (3.5y & 9m) have been sleeping through the night since they were 5m & 3m, respectively, but on those rare nights when sleep gets disrupted—whether it's teething, illness, or a schedule hiccup—everyone feels it the next day. My energy, patience, & mood all take a hit, & it shows. The same is true for kids: when they miss a nap or have a rough night, you can see it in their moods, focus, & behavior.

So why are so many parents scared of sleep training? Because somewhere along the way, “sleep training” became synonymous with “Cry It Out.”

But the truth is, while “Cry It Out” is one method, it’s far from the only one. There are many gentle, responsive, and supportive ways to help your child build the skill of independent sleep.

My Approach: Flexible, Family-Centered, and Realistic

Recently, my daughter’s pediatrician asked me what my approach to sleep training is. I told him simply: babies—and their parents—aren’t robots. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach that works for every family.

My philosophy is to meet families where they’re at. I’ve supported parents who want the gentlest approach possible because they just can’t bear to hear any crying (side note: even the gentlest methods may involve a few tears—your little one is learning something new, and new skills can be tough!). I’ve also worked with parents who want fast results, which usually requires a more intensive approach.

The important thing is that whatever you choose is okay, as long as it works for your family—and that includes both you and your partner. Sleep training is most successful when both caregivers are aligned and committed to helping their little one master this life-changing skill.

Common Sleep Training Methods I Recommend

Here are a few of the most common approaches I use with the families I support, each with different intensity levels and timelines:

Just Sit Method

• Intensity: 0–1

• Time to see results: ~3 weeks

• Overview: Instead of feeding, rocking, or bouncing your baby to sleep, you simply hold them while sitting until they drift off. Then you gently transfer them to the crib.

Shush/Pat Method

• Intensity: 2–5

• Time to see results: ~2 weeks

• Overview: Place your baby in the crib awake and gently pat them while loudly shushing. Over time, gradually reduce your shushing and patting until your baby learns to fall asleep on their own.

Check and Console Method (similar to the Ferber method)

• Intensity: 6–8

• Time to see results: ~1 week

• Overview: Lay your baby down fully awake and leave the room. Set a timer for 10 minutes. If your baby is crying intensely (8/10 or higher), go in for a brief check-in (under 1 minute), offering verbal reassurance without picking them up. Then leave and reset the timer, gradually increasing intervals as your baby learns to self-soothe.

Cry It Out Method

• Intensity: 10

• Time to see results: ~3 days

• Overview: Put your baby down awake and leave the room. No check-ins are done. In a modified version, you might set a 1-hour timer. Otherwise, your baby is given the opportunity to self-soothe entirely on their own.

So, which method is right for you? That’s entirely up to you. I’m here to support you in whatever way aligns with your values, comfort level, and parenting style. Sleep training isn’t about following someone else’s rules—it’s about finding your rhythm as a family and helping your little one thrive.

Sleep deprivation is not a parental badge of honor.

You’re not failing or being selfish if you decide to prioritize rest—for your child and for yourself. And you are absolutely not a bad parent if you choose to sleep train your kids. Supporting healthy sleep is a gift that benefits the whole family. You deserve to feel rested, your child deserves to feel well-regulated, and there are loving, respectful ways to get there—together.

If you’re ready for personalized support on your family’s sleep journey, I’d love to help. Click here to explore my sleep consultant packages and find the approach that’s right for you.